Leeds Trinity University in the United Kingdom has told its lecturers to avoid using capital letters in their classroom handouts because they upset students, and can “scare students into failure.”
I can solve this problem for you in five minutes.
Without bloodshed.
But first, let’s enjoy the stupidity of an uncomfortably larger than we realise, slice of humanity.
Because it’s not the fact that your level of intelligence is simply … how to put this nicely … being not quite up to par, which is the cause of your failure – I mean was there a reason that you decided social science was the way to go over medicine, law or physics, – and nor is it the fact that you can’t be bothered to put in the hours and hours of hard work studying the topic when you could be in the local night club meeting individuals you would, temporarily, like to get to know better.
No.
It’s the capital letters scaring you into failure.
What else could it be? There is simply no other solution.
And of course this fits in nicely with present day thinking. Everything bad that happens is someone or something else’s fault.
And not mine.
Women are less successful in the business world because men are in charge of it. Black people are poorer because white people stole their money 150 years ago. Muslims are angry because people continue to refuse to allow them to take over the world and force everyone to live under Sharia law. Lesbians are depressed because all the heterosexual men are getting all the good women. (Not really relevant and possibly not even true, but I thought I would add it anyway.) Transgender people are not accepted because of the bigotry of mentally sane human beings.
And people so utterly useless at everything that they can’t even find a passable reason to explain away their failures, are unsuccessful in their studies because their professors may use the added emphasis that capital letters express, which scare them so badly, that they cannot help but fail.
And, in a delicious twist of irony one could argue that the very believing of this idea, would be absolute and categorical proof that the reason you failed was your indescribable and unstoppable stupidity.
I am sorry, but letters, capital or otherwise should not upset or scare you.
They shouldn’t elicit any emotion in you. Positive or negative. They’re letters.
I’m not sure I need much more of an argument than that.
Although it would be fun to wonder for a moment what the parameters of such an issue would be.
I mean, do we now have to rewrite all books? Or in fact anything with the written word on it?
What will happen to those old books that do have capital letters? Will we have to burn them just in case some emotionally unstable individual inadvertently reads them? I suppose you could have two sections in book stores. One for books with capital letters and one for books without. Or maybe two completely separate shops just in case. With a therapist on standby should the worse happen and you find yourself in the wrong department or shop by accident. This could be a whole new business.
How have such people, post their failed studies, managed to fill out their benefit forms? Is there no fear of capital letters here?
Will there be a convenient line drawn between classroom handouts and everything else, so that you don’t have to worry about reading the poster inviting you to a concert in the students’ union bar?
Is it only things that remind you that you need to spend more time studying and less time partying that ‘upset and scare’ you?
And if it only applies to those types of things, isn’t filling out benefit forms a type of exam? And the consequences of failing this exam are far more dire. If you don’t pass this one, you won’t get any free money from the government for doing nothing all day.
What about acronyms?
If a violent criminal has taken a group of people in a bank hostage and is making demands for a getaway helicopter, will informing them that we’ve called the SWAT team make them surrender immediately?
If we threaten an evil regime with sending in the Navy SEALs, will the enemy instantly dissolve into puddles of fear?
We could make good use of this.
Texting and social media will be done for BTW. LOL.
CIA and FBI can keep their titles, as they are organizations that should give you a bit of a scare.
The major problem, and this is where I think things have not been properly thought through, is how, under this new anti-capital letters regime, we can alleviate the pain of those who have endured any sort of suffering. In order to receive the treatment that they need, they would need an accurate PTSD diagnosis, and that would obviously just make matters worse.
Stupid.
Don’t worry about the rise in knife and acid attacks in London, or the hundreds of jihadi fighters let back into the UK, those poor students at Leeds University have it really rough, being attacked by a symbol.
Perhaps they too, can take onboard Mayor Sadiq Khan’s point. And just like Londoners should accept terrorism as ‘part and parcel of life in a great global city’, so too, university students around the country, and indeed the world, should accept that capital letters are just part and parcel of … well reading. Perhaps even more importantly they should accept, that adequate studying is part and parcel of learning and that taking responsibility is the only way to make something of your life.
People say the major problem with all this kid glove treatment, which includes safe spaces, trigger warnings as well as the capital letters issue, is that you’re creating people who will not be able to cope in the real world.
I say it’s more than that.
Treating people with kid gloves ensures that they remain … kids. We can see for ourselves how this is true, as one of the most prominent features of these types of people, are the childish tantrums that they have when they don’t get their own way.
Just like a lot of five year olds.
And surely that is the problem.
We want children to grow up into … wait for it … adults.
Physically.
Intellectually.
Financially – stop being dependent on mummy and daddy and government for money.
And also emotionally. Emotional adults are not dependent on other people or things for their emotional stability. Unlike these people who are. You said something mean to me, now it’s your fault if I become angry because of it, and behave like a thug by punching someone else in the face. These people have voluntarily given power over their emotional state to anything and everything else. They have been taught that this is appropriate and normal. But surely we’re meant to be people who have a modicum of self control over ourselves and our emotions!
Yes it would be wonderful if everyone was polite and called you by the pronoun that you wanted. But if you are a person who‘s emotional equilibrium is dependent on not hearing anything you don’t like, then you’re simply unbalanced. Mentally unstable. I suppose hearing that has upset you quite a lot and you’ve had to go and have a little lie down. Fortunately, the fault of whatever stupid thing you now do to make yourself feel better, you can lay at my feet. You’ll now be able to blame me for every bad choice you make until the end of your life. Which if I’m right about what you’re doing to make yourself feel better, will be sooner rather than later. Oops, I think I’ve done it again. Well, not really oops.
It’s not only a question of teaching people not to give power over their own feelings to others, – I can’t go out because wherever I go I am triggered – but to create emotionally healthy, emotionally independent human beings.
Like we’re supposed to be.
And then we won’t have to rewrite all literature, alter grammar, and redefine words that have had the same meaning since the beginning of … well words.
And as a bonus, we’ll all be happy.
Not the pretend happiness of the morally superior. That’s just a feeling of pleasure that comes from having an artificially inflated ego – artificial because you haven’t worked on yourself to become a better person but instead simply chosen to spend your life looking at others through your magnifying glass so that you can see their every single miniscule fault and point it out at every opportunity.
No. I mean a happiness that you get from being an independent person, responsible for yourself, in control of your life and secure in who you are. And not being dependent on other people, for everything.
You wouldn’t understand. I mean you wouldn’t understand. Because if capital letters scare you I was concerned that regular sized ones may make you nervous.
And finally we get to my five minute solution to this problem.
Coincidentally it will also solve many other problems, as they are all based on the same stupidity that seems to be rampaging unstoppably through the Western world at the moment.
And that solution is to support this campaign.
Not only to support it, but to ensure its success and to take it as far as you can.
Therefore I suggest the following. It is reasonable to suggest that if capital letters can scare some people into failure, that end of year exams will scare even more people into failure.
Do you know how many exams you have to take to become a doctor? The fear must be immense. To stop this, in the future we must abolish all types of medical licensing procedures, as they all invariably require some kind of examination.
And clearly we shouldn’t stop at the medical profession. All occupations requiring a high level of skill should have their licensing procedures removed. The resulting amount of collectively reduced fear would be enough to power the whole world for years, had we not just eliminated it.
The added advantage here is an increase of equality. Why should only the intelligent and skilled have jobs that require intelligence and skill. This way we can ensure that more people who would have otherwise failed at being doctors and lawyers etc. because of their laziness or lack of ability, can now take up that career.
Since the removing of licensing procedures would be considered by almost everyone a barking mad idea, – although in this day and age you never know, though if it does occur it will be short-lived, just like their patients, – it logically follows that if you can give tests to those trying to get a medical license without having to worry about their being afraid of failure, you can show capital letters to students and not have to worry about their emotional well-being.
Meaning as most people would be happy to keep the licensing procedures that induce far more fear than capital letters, they can hardly argue for the abolition of capital letters when they induce far less fear.
The support-the-cause-and-take-it-to-its-logical-conclusion technique helps for everything.
Take the issue of Transgender women using women’s bathrooms.
Many people don’t like this idea and want to stop transgender women from using the women’s bathroom.
I say great idea. Support the cause and take it to its logical conclusion.
What do you think will happen when large numbers of 15 year old boys across the Western world decide they’re actually female and need to sit around the girls locker room watching their co-gendered classmates showering.
They will of course have to be careful here because they will only be interested in watching the non transgendered women.
I think that once this occurs, this idea will be walked back pretty quickly. Either that or all the people going into women’s locker rooms will split naturally into two. Those who want to watch others and those who don’t. A curious split.
And how about telling children they can chose their own gender.
Brilliant!
The one and only thing five to seven year olds are allowed to make a decision over. Who decides what they will eat that day? Mummy and daddy. Who decides what school they will go to? Mummy and Daddy. Who decides if and when there will be play dates? Mummy and Daddy. Who decides if they need to have their tonsils out? Mummy and Daddy. Who decides if they are a boy, girl or something no one has ever heard of in the history of Peoplekind? They do of course.
Have you ever heard anything so stupid in your entire life?
Apart from everything else that comes out of a Leftist’s mouth.
Various alien species had been fighting for years over who would be allowed to invade the Earth, take us as slaves and appropriate our resources for their own nefarious purposes. They had finally decided, after many more years of careful negotiations, how to divide everything up and after even more years of planning were on the brink of doing just that, when this little idea happened. An urgent communiqué was sent to the various alien leaders by their spies here on Earth.
Immediately and unanimously the various alien species decided to completely abandon their meticulous invasion plans which had taken them decades to formulate and were at the time being carefully implemented, and instead turn their attention towards the loving, peaceful and sensible people of Mars, while at the same time enacting a universe-wide law that ensured the people of Earth would never be allowed to have anything to do with the Galactic Empire, even as slaves, until they had completely rid themselves of whatever brain disease was currently infecting their population.
True story.
The solution is simple.
It stands to reason that if they can choose their own gender they can choose their own religion. After all gender is far more intrinsic than religion.
Let’s make sure that people of all faiths (especially the most peaceful of faiths) give their children the chance to choose their own religion as well as their own gender.
And we all know the Messiah will come before that happens.
Not only have I solved the issue of capital letters, I have given you the key that solves all other major world issues.
And will do so in just five minutes.
Now we’ve done that, we can get back to other, less important things like, the economy, reducing poverty around the world, finding the cure for cancer and world peace.
You’re welcome.